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Creeps, Slashers, and Weirdoes
"Don't Answer the Phone!" (1980)
3.0 out of 4 stars
There are some films featuring a creep where the actor just does not commit to the role and the entire film falls flat because of it. However, Robert Hammer’s “Don't Answer the Phone!” (1980) features weirdo Kirk Smith (Nicholas Worth) in a role that hits all the right notes and it makes up for some of the film’s shortcomings.
The film opens up with a title card that happily displays the title with its exclamation point. Which begs the question, “Why dont film titles have punctuation marks anymore?”. In any case, we are introduced to weirdo Kirk Smith donning a panty hose on his face and draped in an army jacket. He quickly moves in on a nurse just getting home from a long shift. He strangles her and as she writhes and squirms the viewer knows exactly what type of schlock exploitation to expect.
Filmed in 1980 during a writer’s strike, “Don’t Answer the Phone!” works not because of a strong story or any technical aspects, but mostly on the back of a strong performance by Nicholas Worth as he does a convincing job of portraying a nut. Worth plays a disturbed Vietnam vet that preys on pretty young women in the Los Angeles area. He stalks several of them and even tricks others into a photo shoot before murdering them in a sadistic and ritualistic method but not without having the women first display their bare breasts. This film does have an abundance of nudity and violence that although not acted out convincingly well, the cast’s lack of acting chops does not negate the film’s effectiveness.
One of the neat things of filming during a writer’s strike was that the movie producers lacked the required permits to film in downtown Los Angeles and several scenes of the killer on the prowl downtown were done quickly and without the full crew, which I believe adds to the gritty nature of those scenes and they seem more overall believable.
As Kirk Smith kills women, he also calls a radio station and mocks the therapist over the airwaves. He complains to her about severe headaches that make him act irrationally. He speaks in disguised voice that reminded me of real life weirdo killer, “Weepy Voice Killer” / Paul Michael Stefani. Indeed, the similarities between the film’s killer and real life Stefani are too eerie and beyond the scope of this brief review.
As the plot progresses, we learn of his abusive childhood, his fascination with religious medals and his Jackal and Hyde personality of charming photographer one minute and crazed maniac the next. Whenever the killer is on screen, your eyes are drawn to him and his explosiveness. While not a bloody film, it is still a very raging violent film against women. Kirk Smith is a demented weirdo that loathes females and his inner demons seem to overpower him daily.
Sadly, the movie then turns into a procedural cop film with two detectives forming a task force to track down the killer. Unfortunately, the police department scenes undermine the rest of the film as the cops are not likable at all as characters. James Westmoreland plays Lt. Mccabe as the lead detective on the case and the savior of the radio therapist that becomes the target for our crazy killer, Kirk.
Hands down, the best scenes of the film are whenever downtown LA is shown. The gritty and sleazy vibes play very well alongside Kirk Smith’s evilness. He buys drugs, beats up pimps, scores hookers and has a good ol’ time as he maneuvers around seedy LA fitting in very well alongside other creeps and crazies. Eventually, the cops investigate and zero in on Crazy Kirk Smith but not before he disrobes and strangles several LA cuties. The movie climaxes with a fantastic final showdown between Detective McCabe and the killer as the former utters the film's best line, “Adios, Creep” and the audience is treated to one great freeze frame closing shot that ends the film on a very satisfying note.
Overall, The movie’s musical score works great, except that sometimes whenever Kirk Smith is in scene the film goes overboard with the tension sounds to a degree that it got a bit annoying. Vinegar Syndrome's release of this film on Blue-Ray is a must pick up even if the film is not perfect by any means. Nonetheless, “Don’t Answer the Phone” makes all the right calls and dials up the exploitation fun to create a competent early slasher that you should add to your growing film collection.
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